At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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