So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
