So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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