I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
