Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
