I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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