That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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