i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
