It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
