It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
