she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
