the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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