So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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