how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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