ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
