can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
