Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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