Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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