Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
