we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
