my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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