I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
