Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
