just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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