i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
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Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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