Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize