so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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