There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
