the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
