You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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