sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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