So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
