i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
