Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
