shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
