she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
