8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
