So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
