The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
