I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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