We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
