Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
