I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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