I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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