life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
