I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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