soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pants are for mortals
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