C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
