so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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