She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
