she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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