dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's official drugs can't kill me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
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We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am one with the molecules
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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