It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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