a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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