obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
