It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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