Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
