so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
