i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
