You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
