party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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