I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
