you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
