I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This baby is an asshole
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
