: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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