Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
