Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
