Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
