I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
How's work?
Spinning.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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