Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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