Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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