8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
