i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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