Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
