I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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