Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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