watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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