i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
