Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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