Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
