She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
