even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
