What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
