Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
