grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
