Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
