I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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