Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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