Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
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He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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