I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
